As I sit to write this piece on learning to embrace my feminine energy, my ego screams at me telling me, that I am weak & powerless.
The voice of my ego is frantic & in a panic, trying to convince me not to share this story from a position of empowerment.
As I meditate & align my energy to a more peaceful place, reaching down to the true essence of my being, I listen to that sweet voice & KNOW that I am home.
I am safe & eternally powerful in my feminine energy.
It is a new feeling, being powerful & sure in my outer beauty, just the same as my inner beauty.
I had housed my soul in this body for over 34 years & NEVER truly understood or embraced what purpose this vehicle is serving.
I just recently learned that spirits choose the bodies that they are born into. I chose this body.
I used to feel uncomfortable & uneasy with any compliment that was paid to me. I could feel that discomfort in every fiber of my body, not accepting the words that are being said…in fact, resisting the kind words being said.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, when a stranger (another woman) pointed out to me that she could see my body physically reacting to a compliment or praise.
She told me that she observed me curling up into a ball (making myself smaller), breaking eye-contact & looking embarrassed. She was right!
Why was I not being open to receiving kindness/love?
In my mind I can understand why someone would say those nice things about me, but at my core I wasn’t believing it.
I know that I am a good person & that I have always been extremely compassionate towards others, but why did I not feel that I was deserving of kindness towards me?
I have shared my story before & one of the most defining moments in my childhood was being bullied at my elementary school, for the colour of my skin. My skin colour was not something I could change & as a little girl, I made that mean that “I’m not good enough”, that “I’m weak & powerless”.
That script is etched in me.
Today thru my spiritual practice, I know that that is absolutely untrue…I am a whole and complete being & I always have been.
What that means is, no matter what is happening in the physical form, the truth of who I am, the essence of my being is perfect, and nothing needs to change.
“Love created me, like myself!” ~ACIM
Today I spend more time knowing who I am in truth. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments when I forget… there are brief moments when my ego wants to try & convince me of my old story of not being good enough & weak & powerless. I know to embrace those moments & observe them for the purpose of healing.
Growing up, I modelled, was in beauty pageants, spent many years working in both the fashion industry & the nightclub industry. All of these industries are very much focused on physical appearance, yet I was completely disconnected from this body.
I got thru my teens, twenties & first few years of my 30s, very much in my masculine energy. I appeared as a “strong” woman. But what I really was, was a scared little girl, feeling like she needed to protect herself from this scary world (filled with bullies).
Believe me, living from this position, had me attract many “bullies” into my adult life.
Being bullied was a familiar feeling & sometimes familiarity feels “safe”. That is an optical illusion,there is no part of playing victim that feels good.
Embracing my true feminine energy has allowed me to live a life of ease. I no longer feel afraid in anything that I do, I trust that I am always guided. I am strong & soft at the same time. I don’t need to prove anything to anybody.
I just choose to be in love, with myself & the world.
My gift to this world is my kind, gentle & nurturing nature. Being aligned with who I am in truth is my power position!
Owning this perfection, at each point in my journey, allows me to be of service to others. When I know who I am, I can nurture and guide those around me to tap into their inner strength.
Each of us are exactly where we are meant to be on this journey. I am always guided by a higher source. My only duty is to surrender and trust the universe & BE the love & light that I am.
Today, for the first time I can look into the mirror, into my eyes & affirm out loud that I am beautiful inside & out. Really owning it. Embracing my sensuality.
How can I expect anyone else to treat me well & honour me, when I am not doing it for myself. It is my duty to love & honour me. The rest of the world will be encouraged to see me the same way.
Cheers to me practicing loving myself & embracing my soft, yet powerful feminine energy!
I encourage you all to pay compliments to others & be open to receiving them yourself.
It is a form of giving & receiving love. A beautiful small act that we can model to the generations after us.